Poppy D. Cat

For Sale?

2011-06-30T16:45:00.006-05:00

Mrrrooowwww? There is a FOR SALE sign in front of my house and, while I am certainly overdue for upgraded living quarters, I am peeved that I’ve not yet been consulted about my future residence. On several occasions I’ve overheard my lady person reference ‘dream home’ this and ‘dream home’ that. Not to be outdone, my manperson will then chime in with his own ‘dream home’ wishes.

But has anyone bothered to ask me what my ‘dream home’ requires? Of course not! Therefore, I must have my cattorney issue my demands in formal fashion to those who intend to choose our next home without input from me.

For the record, my two primary requirements are:

- Windowsills that are at least 10” in width.

- Dining accommodations in at least 3 locations within the home (this may or may not be related to the need for 10” windowsills).

I’ve also heard murmurings that, after the move to our new home, a dog will be invited to join us. I fear my feline rights to a comfortable lifestyle are in dire jeopardy and I can’t wait to hear what my my cattorney has to say about that!

But Nobody Asked Me!!

2011-01-20T13:32:00.003-06:00

Meee-SayItIsn’t-Soooww! There are subtle murmurings occurring around my house that are causing me tremendous concern: it seems my ladyperson and manperson are contemplating the acquisition of … it's so hard to say the word … {{Ugh}} A DOG!!

Did they not learn their lesson with their first attempt at trying to civilize a canine? It simply cannot be done! So why would anyone want to bring such a beast into their home? I can list on my paws and yours the many indiscretions a dog is inclined to partake of and I’ve yet to meet one who knows the first thing about commanding his people.

Cross your fingers that the conversations about a potential new housemate are simply more of the foolish ramblings my ladyperson and manperson are prone to spew forth. Stay tuned…

Whaaat?

2011-01-17T13:43:00.002-06:00

You've never seen a cat sitting on a chair before??

♥ Purrrrrrrr, indeed! ♥

2011-01-17T13:38:00.003-06:00

I don't know who this spectacular feline is but I MUST find her number! Does she know how to catch a gentleman's eye or what??!

As if There were any Question ...

2010-09-15T16:27:00.001-05:00

"The best way to get on with any cat is to treat it as an equal, or the superior it knows itself to be."

~ Elizabeth Peters

A Sort-of Public Message

2010-04-22T15:56:00.007-05:00

Meee-yikesitsgettinghot-oowww! Please indulge me as I make a small request on behalf of my pals who aren't as lucky as me to have the indoor conveniences that I enjoy.

It's that time of year when the sun is a raging fireball and rain is increasingly scant. For my cat buds who prefer to wing it alone and not be encumbered by manservants, the changing weather means it's increasingly more difficult for them to find a cool spot to rest and an even rarer find is clean water to refresh themselves with. So, would it hurt you to keep a bowl of fresh water outside on or around your property? Preferably in a shady spot? And while you're at it, how about sprinkling out a bit of fine kibble every now and then?

While I'm happily the first in line to enjoy a good leisurely stretch & roll on sun-warmed concrete, I have the luxury of cooling off afterward in air-conditioned comfort. So, while I pay a heavy price for my luxuries (ie the constant antagonizing from my manperson coupled with the incessant chatter of my ladyperson), I can't deny that my outside-dwelling counterparts pay a hefty price of their own.

So, do your part. After all, to quote the (obviously very wise) ladyperson Faith Resnick: "People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life".

Getting Away(?)

2010-03-24T14:59:00.004-05:00

Meeeee-they-have-no-idea-ooowwww! My manperson and ladyperson went off on another of their weekend jaunts that they refer to as 'getting away'. First of all, I'd like to know exactly WHAT they are pretending to 'get away' from. Their lives seem rather boring and uneventful and I am certain that tending to my needs is the only bright spot in their day.

Nonetheless, I appreciate their scheduled disappearances because it gives me a chance to entertain my own friends without interruption. And entertain I did! The bubbly flowed and the feline cuties danced their dainty paws off! Afterward, I saw to it that there remained no evidence of my revelry so as to not tip off they who pay the mortgage. Trust me: if my ladyperson knew of the festivities, she'd expect an invite for next time. And if my manperson knew, he'd expect financial restitution for the decreased levels in his liquor cabinet. Neither of these scenarios do I intend to endure.

But I did have a special way of welcoming them back home: with full knowledge that they would be returning at night and to a dark house, my cat buds and I rearranged the living room furniture. The giant plant stand moved to just inside the front door produced the most amusing reaction. (They are still finding bits of fern in the carpet!) Yes, now I understand why 'getting away' is so fun!

You call that 'Vodka'??

2009-12-23T12:59:00.007-06:00

Meeeehiccuppoowww! Perhaps this was my manperson's idea of humor, but the beverage he graciously offered me a sip of turned out to be the most vulgar-tasting spirit ever to rest on my well-trained taste buds. He calls it "vodka". I call it "Ripple in a vodka bottle". I should have known he was a fan of the unrefined brands of adult beverage. And to think I used to keep my good liquors locked in a cabinet for fear he might attempt a sip .... I see there is no need to do so now. Obviously, after years of dining upon the gruel he calls "food" his taste buds are ruined beyond repair.

At least now I know where to go when one of my hard-living gutter cat friends shows up looking for a nightcap before resting his weary head. (They don't appreciate my fine liquors, either.)

Whew! Being a Cat can be Very Exhausting!

2009-12-14T15:11:00.007-06:00

Meeeewhew!ooowww ... It is safe to say that you can not truly appreciate or begin to understand all of the work that goes into being a cat. Please indulge me while I detail for you just a few of my many workday duties:
x
* I must visit every pillow in the house at least twice to test its fluffiness.
* I'm obligated to remove any tasty remnants from dishes that might have been left in the sink from the night before.
* For security measures, I must spend at least 3 hours perched on the sunniest windowsill of the house to thwart off any potential break-ins from neighborhood birds.
* In must make certain I am visable through windows on the front side of the house to remind neighborhood dogs that they are outside in the cold and I am inside where it is warm.
* I meticulously bathe from eartip to the end of my tail: I'll start on my ladyperson's side of the bed, eventually migrating to the sofa. And I ALWAYS finish my bath in the manperson's Lazy-Boy recliner.
* I must empty my chowchow bowl and practice my weakest and most pitiful cry so I am ready to admonish my ladyperson the instant she walks in the door at 5:00.
x
So?! You think you could do it? I think not!!

2009-12-07T00:30:00.004-06:00

Meeeeefreakinoowww!! I don't know what the deal is, but my manperson and ladyperson appear completely ignorant to the fact that it is C-O-L-D this time of year. How do I know? They refuse to increase the heat in the house! Either they are too 'economically challenged' to pay a higher heating bill or senility has finally crept in and they can no longer tell cold from warm. Regardless, IT IS COLD IN MY HOUSE!! You'd think my ladyperson would catch on since she awakens each moning to find me sleeping ON HER FACE. And one would think that wiping cat hairs from one's eyes each morning would be a tad bit annoying but - well, we are talking about MY cat hairs so ... never mind! I'm certain she feels lucky!

Happy Halloween, Kiddo's!

2009-10-31T13:27:00.007-05:00

MeeeBOOooowww! Look, kids - I realize there will be oodles of you winding your way through my neighborhood on Halloween night in search of chocolates and other tasty delicacies. And eventually, one by one, each of you will end up at my residence. Regretably, I must inform you that my manperson and ladyperson will have already eaten the more delectable candies before you arrive. In fact, I suspect the only thing passed out at our home on Halloween night will be the two of them, with crumpled fun-size Snickers and Baby Ruth wrappers scattered about their feet. So if you still insist on showing up expecting treats for your little plastic jack-o-lanterns, don't say you weren't warned!

2009-10-26T12:51:00.010-05:00

Meeeyummoowwww! Calm down .... I'm just visiting with the fishy my ladyperson calls "Catfood". He got his name because every time I visit the fishtank (just to say 'Hey' of course), Catfood rushes up to say 'Hey' back at me. My ladyperson thinks I'm planning to eat that fish but has she not noticed how small and slimy he is? Does she really think I'd ever entertain the thought of eating this commoner of a fish? Even if he were prepared with a crabmeat stuffing and sauteed in a lemon & garlic butter sauce, I simply would not consider dining upon him.

I'm sorry, but when I think of aquatic treats for dinner, this is NOT what I have in mind....!

Could this be Love??

2009-07-29T12:29:00.003-05:00

Meeee-ayeayeaye!-oowww! Sigh …. the lovely lady pictured above may be the daintiest, most delicate, and most scrumptious (yes, I said it!) of any feline ever in existence. I spotted her while vacationing in Louisiana and I am unable - and unwilling - to erase her image from my mind. I was unsuccessful in obtaining her contact information but am hopeful that she or her staff will see this message and a second meeting can occur.

Just look at her! Is it any wonder I am smitten??

Cat on a Mission!

2009-04-01T16:13:00.010-05:00

MeeeTheBirdsHaveGotToGooowww! Spring is in the air! Warm breezes, fragrant blossoms, interesting insect sounds, and: the annoying, incessant chirping of birds that starts earlier and earlier each morn. To make matters worse, my ladyperson insists on sleeping with a window slightly open. It never fails: when I have sufficiently nudged my ladyperson and manperson to the edges of the bed so I can comfortably recline in the middle section and I am just getting settled into my deepest of sleep, the chirping begins. And don't humor me by calling it 'singing': I've not heard such racket in any symphony hall I've visited!

So, I have decided to hunt the little critters down and one-by-one, 'encourage' them to vacate my property. While I am not one to dine on simple neighborhood fowl, I have more than one feline acquaintance lacking the selective palate I enjoy.

So chirp on, birdies! But don't say you weren't warned...

Green Beer ... Never Again!!!

2009-03-18T12:48:00.006-05:00

Meeeohmyachingheadoowww! I hosted a Saint Paddy's Day party last night and I am indeed paying today for last night's pleasure. Hmmm ... Perhaps as a remedy, I shall recall visions of the cute little kitty waitresses dressed in flirtatious leprechaun garb ...

Oh My! I feel better already!

Can We Talk?

2009-03-04T15:30:00.027-06:00

Meeethiscannotcontinueoowww! Within the writings of my fellow cat authors, I have begun to notice a trend that I find quite disturbing. It seems that many of my feline literary counterparts are prone to referring to their people as their ‘pets’. It is time for me address this movement and, hopefully, put a swift end to it.

Under no circumstances should a home owned by a cat have any reference to ‘pets’. Cats are not pets. Cats do not share their homes with pets. And we certainly do not own pets. Granted, there will most likely be people in a cat’s home. And sometimes those people acquire a dog or other such animal that they feel a need to nurture.

But these people and their assorted tagalong animals are merely allowed to remain in our homes because they serve us well. If I did not allow my manperson and ladyperson to reside with me, I would have to employ staff to replace them. And since I am just now getting them trained almost to my standards, it would be quite foolish to bid them adieu. My manperson knows his place: he only speaks to me when spoken to and he is close to perfecting his cat massage technique. My ladyperson is well aware that her primary focus should be on my never-empty chowchow bowl and the fresh, cool water that must be available to me all hours of the day and night. So, you see, clearly they are not my pets. I prefer to think of them more as ‘my personnel’.

And while my home, too, has been known to have a dog, please note that I refused to allow the dog to become part of my staff. She did, however, provide me with plenty of fodder for this website and a multitude of laughs with my cat pals. One might say the dog became my private entertainer. But certainly not my 'pet'!

I will continue on my mission and may I ask? If you read or hear of a cat who identifies his people as his 'pets', please notify me. Perhaps I shall visit with the misguided feline and redirect his attitude.

Never Underestimate the Fortitude of a Cat!

2009-01-29T15:34:00.007-06:00

MeeeeItoldyousooowww! Look very closely at the photo above …. No doubt you’ll first notice the 600-pound black bear at the top of the tree. But if you draw your sight downward, you’ll see exactly what prompted this bear’s rapid ascent. Meet Jack: the proud, 15-pound orange Tabby that is determined to keep this bear – or any other varmint, mind you – off of his property!

As the black bear clamored up the tree trunk for safety, Jack patiently waited for him to dare to return to the ground. The bear did try, once, and Jack chased him hissing and spitting up a second tree.

Eventually, Jack grew bored with this imbecile bear and moseyed on to more important matters, which gave the bear his opportunity to escape into neighboring woods.

So anybody who dares to declare a cat less-effective as a guardian than a smelly hound obviously doesn’t know Jack!

67% of Pet Owners Claim to Understand Pet Woofs & Meows ... ??

2008-12-17T17:42:00.018-06:00

Meeethisistoofunnyooww! I was catching up on my reading when this amusing little news story caught my eye: "67 Percent of Owners Claim to Understand Pet Woofs & Meows". I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my cinnamon caffe latte!! Once again, the persons of the world are desperate to believe that maybe - just maybe - they can communicate with the felines among them. While there is no question that they can communicate with dogs (how difficult could it be to comprehend dog-speak when "Woof!" can only mean, "I'm hungry" or "I want to go outside"?), cat-speak is at an entirely different level of communication.

The article does help me to understand better why my manperson and ladyperson insist on engaging me in mundane conversations: they truly believe I'm listening! Actually, SHE more than HE: my ladyperson can go on and on and on to me about events in her own life that, quite frankly, are of zero interest to me. However, I have learned that if I reward her with a seemingly interested wide-eyed gaze and I utter a few syllables, she is satisfied and generally moves on.

---> On a serious note, one extremely alarming portion of the news story pertains to a new trend of persons buying fewer Christmas gifts for their pets. My own manperson and ladyperson best not even consider such antics, as they are already alarmingly inept in their gift-giving skills.

For your amusement, here are the highlights of the news story:

"Sixty-seven percent of pet owners say they understand their animals' woofs, meows or other sounds, saying they comprehend completely. Sixty-two percent of pet owners say that when they speak, their critter gets the message. The high level of communication is but one way the poll highlights the bond between many owners and their pets.

More women than men say they and their pets understand each other's verbal stabs at communication. , Molly Thibodeau of Fort Riley, Kansas, said her two cats understand her so completely that if she wants to shoo them off furniture, "I point at them and they get right down." On the flip side, men are twice as likely as women to say they and their pets are clueless about what each is saying to the other. "It's kind of like, 'What are you doing?'" Edwin Oto, of Moraga, California, says of his futile efforts to figure out what his dog wants when she keeps barking after he lets her into the house.

When it comes to communicating in the other direction, cat owners do better. Twenty-five percent of them say they completely understand their cats' meows, compared with 16 percent of dog owners who claim to be totally fluent in barks. But Jane Starring, 48, of Barrington, R.I., says she and her family are confounded by their 8-year-old cat, Flannel, who often chases people about the house meowing. "We're not sure we're making much progress understanding him," said Starring. "I don't know what his point is."

William Miller, a professor of veterinary medicine and medical director of Cornell University's Companion Animal Hospital, says it's not unusual for many owners and pets to understand some of each other's speech. He said animals and people learn to communicate verbally by over time associating certain sounds with actions, such as a particular bark when a dog wishes to go outside or the soothing tone many people use when petting their cat.

With many households having more than one pet, 74 percent of all pet owners have a dog and 46 percent have a cat, according to the poll. Men and women were about equally likely to own either kind of animal. Twelve percent of pet owners have fish, 7 percent have birds, and 2 percent or fewer have horses, rabbits, rodents, turtles, lizards or other pets.

---> Fifteen percent of all owners said they have scaled back spending for their pets in the past year. Of the group that is cutting back, seventy-one percent say they've thought about buying fewer toys or clothes, while 60 percent cite switching to less costly pet food. Even so, 43 percent of owners said they would buy holiday gifts for their pets, compared with 46 percent who said they had done so last year."

Finally! Cats Infiltrate the Music Industry...

2008-12-08T00:05:00.001-06:00

Next stop: Hollywood!

The Enemy has Arrived!!

2008-11-13T21:31:00.017-06:00

Meee-theywillpay!-oowww! Do you recall my previous report regarding the canine expected to spend the holidays at my home, per an unapproved-by-me agreement between my ladyperson and an acquaintance? You will NOT believe what has since occurred...

On what started as a pleasant day, I arose from my late-afternoon nap (the one I take after watching ‘Jeopardy’) and proceeded to the front door to meet my ladyperson as she returned home from her workplace. Normally at such time and after an authoritative nudge from me, she tends to my food and drink needs. However on this occasion, I could hear much commotion in the garage from where my ladyperson was and I detected the scent that no cat should ever be forced to incur: D-O-G!! Even worse yet, she dared to be so bold as to bring the creature into my home without my permission. She used the flimsy excuse of thinking it would be a good idea if the horrid beast and I became acquainted prior to the impending Christmas visit.

As you can imagine, my evening plans of relaxing while watching my favorite Animal Planet television show “It’s Me or the Dog” were instantly shattered. That infantile creature pursued me unashamedly, even when I escaped to the sanctity of my own backyard.

And so I was reminded – once again – that my ladyperson and manperson cannot be trusted and are simply here to insert discomfort into my otherwise calm existence. But not to worry: while the smelly beast was confined to the bizarre portable dwelling that his own manperson provided for this ‘visit’, I reminded him in my own not-so-subtle nature that this was indeed my home and under no circumstances will he be allowed to return.

If he’s a smart dog (<--- quite the oxymoron, eh?), he will advise his own manperson that he prefers to stay home for the holidays. I will keep you posted….

Say It Isn't So!

2008-09-16T19:48:00.031-05:00

Meeeoowwchh!! Generally, I tune out any bits of conversation between my ladyperson and manperson because quite frankly, they rarely have anything to say that: #1) I find interesting or #2) I don't already know. Until this evening, that is ...

I would like to think I was merely dreaming or otherwise distracted but I believe my ladyperson mentioned a house guest for the Christmas holidays. Normally I would be thrilled because obviously this would mean extra gifts for me. But it seems that the 'guest' she was referring to is, oh, how it pains me to say this ... a dog! She went on and on and on about how cute the dog is and how friendly and playful and smart he is. Blah, blah, blah. So this is what happens when I let my guard down? I foolishly gave them credit for understanding the primary rule of our residence: I make all of the rules of the house!

Apparently, an acquaintance of theirs is the manperson of said canine and intends to travel a great distance during the holidays. Since dogs know nothing about travel other than how to get from bed to dinner bowl, to water bowl, outside for a stretch and bark, then back to bed, it is obvious that the dog can not accompany him. And so begins my current mission.

I must improve my attentiveness and gather every bit of information about this creature who thinks he will be vacationing in my home. Of course, my manperson and ladyperson can not know of the investigation I am launching that will include 24-hour surveillance on them and their conversations. I must learn all I can about this canine, particularly his weaknesses. Although surely that list would be never-ending and thereby take entirely too much energy to produce. He is a just a dog, after all.

Today's Complaint: The Ceiling Fans are Drying out my Contact Lenses!

2008-07-09T22:00:00.009-05:00

MeeeeI'veHadEnoughooooww! Just because it's summer and the temperature outside is a sweltering 98 degrees, MUST every room in my home be victimized by a ceiling fan whirling at top speed? I've already lodged a complaint about my ladyperson not keeping the indoor climate of my home at a temperature appropriate for a luxuriously fur-coated specimen such as myself. I suppose in her quest to appease me, she assumed helicopter-speed ceiling fans would make all the difference. Guess what? She's wrong!!

The whirlwinds created by the spinning fans prompt my contact lenses to dry a bit and I fear I might lose some of my effectiveness as windowsill decor (squinting is not a good look for any cat.) But I will be the mature one and accept this inconvenience as yet another challenge in my mission to educate the persons I live with. Perhaps I can purchase them a book on the subject? No, wait: I don't have the time to read it to them. Sigh.

You CAN Teach an Old Ladyperson New Tricks!

2008-07-09T21:26:00.012-05:00

Meeeyummyoowww! I can't believe it, but I may - I said may - have finally trained my ladyperson one more lesson in how to properly tend to a cat. Granted, we are moving in babysteps, but this is big.

You see, she used to find it acceptable to feed me kitty treats by (it pains me to say this ...) tossing them on the carpet. But I devised a plan to 'coach' her into showing some manners: I'd hold a kibble in my mouth, allow it to absorb a sufficient amount of saliva, then place the moist snack on her bed pillow. After waaay too many kibbles were wasted this way, she has accepted that the only proper way to feed me kitty snacks is from the palm of her hand. I nibble, I crunch, and it's gone. Just like that ... No more carpet fuzz on my tongue!!

Maybe there is hope for my ladyperson and manperson after all! Well, maybe not my manperson: I fear that one may be untrainable. In fact, I'm certain he's got some canine in him. Ugh.

I'm Minty Fresh and Ready for Action!

2008-05-13T21:45:00.020-05:00

MeeeeI'mSoSmartoooww! As if simply being me was not effective enough, I've discovered yet another way to woo the female kitties: if I happen to 'casually' send some minty fresh breath their way, they are smitten beyond belief. This is especially effective poolside where there is always an ample supply of sunbathing kitties hungering for a refreshing breeze. One strategically targeted exhale and the bikini-adorned kitties are all mine!

Now if I can just get my ladyperson to open the sweet treats in advance for me. Although I'd probably have to teach her how (that double-twist action of the cellophane wrapper is likely way too complicated for her ... Geeez).

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall....

2008-05-13T21:29:00.004-05:00

MeeeeYouKnowTheRestooowww!

A Warning for All of My Cat Buddies:

2008-05-06T21:43:00.006-05:00

Meeeooooow, all! The video above is very disturbing. It confirms the dangers of humans with too much disk space on their digital cameras and (obviously!) not enough hobbies. Ugh. Watch at your own risk!

Don't You Just Love Concrete in Springtime?

2008-04-12T15:40:00.005-05:00

Meee-I Love Spring!-oowww! Aaaah, finally, the concrete on my patio is warm enough to savor. I've been watching it all winter, just waiting for the day I could warm my luxurious coat on sun-toasted concrete. Now this is living! If I can just keep pesky birds off of my patio, everything will be just fine. Yes, life is good. It is very good.

Brrrrr!

2008-03-16T14:46:00.010-05:00

Meeebrrrroowww! A wicked little snowstorm is blowing through my part of the country and, while it is truly delightful, I sense that something is missing. Sure, there are soft flurries of snowflakes whirling gently about. And a delightful crisp in the air. The scent of crackling fireplaces fills the neighborhood. But still, I feel something is amiss. The lawn is completely blanketed in white ... Children are giggling as they make wannabe snowmen. So what is making me feel that everything is not quite right?

Wait a minute: Where are the snowkitties? Hello?! One can't truly appreciate a fresh fallen snow lest he's cuddled up with a warm toddy and an even warmer snowkitty! That's it -- someone get my travel agent on the phone right now. I am headed for Lake Tahoe in search of a snowkitty to enjoy the last bits o' winter with. Aaaah, yes. Now that's what snowstorms were created for!

I Can't Believe They Made Me Open My Own Gifts!

2008-01-07T20:21:00.008-06:00

MeeeeHappyHolidaysoooww! I am almost at full-recovery mode after the excitement of the Holidays. Although I did spend an excessive amount of $$$ on Christmas gifts but American Express and I will settle up later. It's just so hard to resist those sparkly kitty eyes when they sing, "Oh please, oh please can I have the one with sapphires??" You know what I'm talking about.

Now I'm sure my ladyperson and manperson were very proud of themselves for going to all the trouble to purchase dime store treats for me then to burden themselves by tying dainty bows on my 'gifts'. I was ready to accept that they will never truly understand me and a mancat's needs but then, just when I thought it was all I could bear, my ladyperson chants, "Open it, Poppy! Open your present!"

OK, I admit that I did humor her by pretending to gnaw on her feeble attempt at giftwrap. But believe me, as soon as her back was turned I tossed those gifts outside for my outside cat pals and proceeded to enjoy the gifts my understanding fellow felines showered me with. Gifts that truly say 'I Love Ya, Dude': a cashmere neck scarf ... some Johnny Walker Blue Label ... yeah, I know you're feelin' me.

A Bit o'Cat History

2007-12-02T00:03:00.001-06:00

Meeeooowww! Did you know that the only creature allowed in ancient Roman temples were cats? No smelly dogs. No noisy parakeets. No annoying fish. Just cats. My ancestors! Aaaahhhh, what a glorious life my predecessors must have led!

Sigh.

Happy Holidays, All!

2007-12-01T23:50:00.003-06:00

MeeeeI'mSoFullowwww!! Note to Self: "Renew Health Club Membership." I certainly hope you & yours are celebrating this holiday season in whatever manner brings the most fun and the greatests memories. Peace to all!

OK, I'm Sorry Already!

2007-10-31T16:46:00.002-05:00

MeeeI'mSoFreakinInDemandooww! I very truly apologize for my negligence in keeping the world up to date on my goings-on but, Whew! If only you knew the drama in my household! There is school and a wedding - yes, I said a wedding but do NOT fear: the wedding is not mine so I am very much still on the market. But everyone is after me for advice and guidance! Whatever would my ladyperson do without me??! I shudder to think of the destruction this household might fall victim to. Ugh...!

I could say I've been working like a dog but, well, you know that is NOT my style. I must get thru this current round of tasks and then, surely then, I shall get back to the business of relaxing and being me and, more importantly, keeping you up-to-date on my happenings. After all, isn't that what you crave? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Stop the Insanity!!

2007-09-18T11:37:00.001-05:00

Meeee-notmeantforsensitiveeyes-oowww! Someone MUST put an end to the constant harrassment of cats by hideous dogs! This is totally crossing the line. Therefore, I am hereby officially announcing my candidacy for World President of all things Feline.

We can not let this abuse continue. I implore all of my cat brethren to UNITE and BE STRONG! Together, we can do this!!

I Showed Her: I Will NOT Tolerate Unfresh ChowChow ~

2007-08-29T21:23:00.001-05:00

Meeeooowwww! I do hope your Summer vacation is going well! I've been extremely busy: it seems that everybody has chosen to include me in their Summer festivities. I so wish that dear Paris Hilton would get over me and move on ... she's a cutie but she's simply not my type.

Anyhow, my ladyperson and manperson took a mini-vacation of their own and they got this crazy idea that it would be perfectly acceptable to leave me with one humongous bowl of chowchow whilst they were away.

First of all, I am apalled that they did not hire staff to tend to me in their absence. Secondly, what's with the day-old chowchow? Excuse me? But this problem was easily solved. Are you familiar with a hunger strike? Upon return from her 3-day vacation (camping in the mountains? Ugh...), my ladyperson was so alarmed by my refusal to dine from that massive pile of chowchow that she promptly disposed of the stale kibbles and placed in my dinner bowl the perfect amount of delectable fresh chow and she now carefully monitors and refills my dish only when necessary.

Little does she know that I truly did have ample treats to choose from in her absence: the party I held while they were vacationing was fully-catered so I had plenty of delectable items to keep me well-nourished. And speaking of well-nourished, you should have seen the fiesty kitty servers the caterer sent along to serve my guests. Well-nourished, indeed, if ya know what I mean (wink! wink!)

Just Checking In...

2007-08-04T12:27:00.001-05:00

Meee-howzitgoin-ooww? I do hope you are enjoying your summer holiday as much as I am.

Whew! It's barely August and I've visited the coast twice, been on a Jamaican cruise (I certainly hope those photos never surface...), and I fear I have shattered more female kitty hearts than I can count on two paws. But, hey! That's simply how I roll ~

All of that, yet, the summer is young and smoldering hot ... as am I!

I Heard Them Talking About Me....

2007-07-22T21:33:00.001-05:00

Meeee-whydoiputupwiththem-oowww??

It was a lovely, sunny afternoon today in my backyard. Warm and toasty yet a deliciously refreshing breeze wafted through. My ladyperson and manperson were taking advantage of the nice afternoon, as well, while they lounged in their lawn chairs with icy beverages.

Whilst I reclined in the soft grass, several HUGE bluejays gathered in the tree branches above me. Needless to say, I found them quite annoying. Enough so that eventually, I was forced to vacate my spot in the sun and retreat into the garden. Not to hide from the hideous birds but simply to avoid their senseless chattering.

And that's when I heard my manperson say, "C'mon, Rambo Kitty: catch the birds and eat em!!" He is so out of touch. The only pheasant I have ever dined upon were presented to me under glass.

Remind me again: why do I put up with these ... persons?? Ugh.

Taking Applications for a Housekeeper...

2007-07-01T14:16:00.000-05:00

Meeee-idonotpickuptoys-oowww! This afternoon, I was headed for a sunny napping spot after playing with the cat toys in my toybasket when my ladyperson insisted that I PICK UP MY TOYS! Yes, she really did. Where does she get this stuff? I do not do housework of any sort. And the worst part is: I know that my playful episodes with my toys brings her great amusement, as well. She goes on and on saying things like, "Look how cute he is! He's so sweeeeet!" So why does she think I should pick up my toys after play?

See the photo on the bottom? That's me walking away! And do you see the toys still remaining on the carpet? Well, that's for her to take care of. It is a small price for her to pay, after all, for the entertainment I provide this family. She'll figure it out eventually. Maybe. Sigh.

I Already MIss My New Best Friend!

2007-05-26T21:41:00.001-05:00

Meeewheredidshego?oowww!! We had visitors this past weekend at our home and one of those visitors instantly earned status as my new all-time best friend. My ladyperson and manperson have referred to her as their daughter-in-law so I guess that makes us family, but most importantly, she's my new best friend!

She was so kind to me and I could tell she really understood my needs: the ear-scratchings and back-rubbings she administered while we watched television together were absolutely divine! And she'd watch over me in my backyard as long as it took for me to erradicate all birds and insects from the premises.

She came to visit us from far way (Colorado, in fact) and I overheard that she's the ladyperson of two rowdy dogs. I'm thinking that if I play my cards right, maybe she'll see fit to let me visit her abode on occasion. I always have had a penchant for mountain-climbing and skiing and Colorado is ripe with both.

Of course I could never completely abandon my own ladyperson and manperson (I'm quite certain they could not function in society without my guidance) but perhaps I can talk my new best friend into sending her rowdy Jack Russell Terriers off to doggie summer camp while a not-so-rowdy smoky-haired cat with oodles of personality and finesse visits for a spell....

Whew! No More Homework!!

2007-05-05T15:27:00.000-05:00

MeeeeNoMoreAlgebraooww! My ladyperson has been attending night school and for reasons unknown to me, she has seemed quite fretful over her chances of succeeding in her Algebra class. And as you can see, I was doing most of her homework. I even had to teach her how to use a scientific calculator but I'm too embarrassed (for her) to provide further details. Anyhow, we made a deal early on in the semester: I help her with her Algebra homework and she keeps me stocked in tasty cat treats and catnip. What more can I ask for? Of course, the Algebra was a cinch for me but she doesn't need to know that, now does she? Mmmmm ... cat treats...!

Finally ... Spring!!

2007-03-21T21:54:00.000-05:00

MeeeHappySpringooowww! Once again, the beginning of Spring brings about many changes in my duties as a cat. For example, it is now my responsibility to ensure that my ladyperson opens wide all of the drapes and blinds in our home before leaving for work each morning. This ensures that no matter which windowsill I choose to rest on throughout the day, I’m guaranteed a non-stop supply of sunshine.

A simple enough task, No? But she pretends to scurry about the house in her morning rush, as if she were jetting off to an engagement more important than tending to my needs. That is simply absurd. As a result of her silliness, I am forced to remind her of her duty while she prepares herself for her day. Surely you will agree that it is entirely her fault if I resort to the tactic of entwining myself between her feet as she walks out the door with her full cup of hot, steaming coffee. Hey – all I’m looking for is some sunshine.

Also during this time of year, I begin to build a rapport with the neighborhood birds. This is a very important step in my long-term plan to rid my yard and surrounding property of these disgustingly happy creatures. Why are these feathered animals forever singing? My manperson and ladyperson are entertained by the bird sounds but I find it all quite a bore. This, too, requires great concentration and patience on my part.

I do enjoy the arrival of Spring, even with these added responsibilities. I honestly do appreciate the new flowers that decorate my yard. But even more importantly: Springtime brings the freshest, most delectable shrimp and trout to my favorite restaurant. And that, my friends, makes all of my hard work well worth the bother.

Why is it That the Smallest People Are Also the Stickiest?

2007-03-18T21:40:00.001-05:00

Meeee-whoaretheselittlepeopleanyway-ooowww! We had visitors at our home this afternoon and I believe my ladyperson referred to them as the grandpersons, or something like that. They are quite small in stature, yet are capable of making a tremendous amount of noise. And the most incredible part of all is that they seem blessed with the stickiest of hands. That must be a grandperson thing. There are four of them and my only option was to bound high up into a tree in my own backyard to escape their sticky little paws. Errr ... I mean hands.

The most amusing part of the entire afternoon was their incessant attempt to "rescue" me from my perch in my tree. The sticky little people seemed to think I was stranded against my will. Hardly so! While I was entirely capable of reclaiming my ground-level territory, I was in no hurry to subject myself to the clutches of their itty-bitty, candy-coated hands.

I was forced to occupy the tree for quite some time but easily scurried down when the grandpersons retired to their own residence. Whew! I must remember to be more attentive so the next time I hear my ladyperson squeal with delight because the sticky little grandpersons are coming to visit, I'll know to hide in a more secure location. For all of you out there who may not have been subjected to the sticky little people yet: you've been warned!

Things That Make Me Smile....

2007-02-13T15:01:00.000-06:00

Mee-yaaaawwwnn-ooww. As part of my whole ‘New Year, New Me’ (well, enhanced Me), I thought I’d be nice and call attention to some of things that make me smile. I’m speaking of things that give me that same warm & cozy feeling that I give everyone else.

On the occasional evening that my ladyperson desires a snack, she will partake of a dish of dried cereal with milk. This choice of snack appears to have something to do with her intent to remain a healthy ladyperson. All that’s fine and well, but the most pleasing part of this ritual is this: while she enjoys her cereal snack she allows me to rest cozily on her lap. And when she is finished with the cereal part of her snack, she offers the remaining milk in her bowl to me. The milk is always just a tad bit sweetened from the flavor of her cereal and is quite delicious. Afterward, I stretch a bit … I bathe alot … and then I peacefully snooze with a bellyful of that creamy goodness.

I’ll wait until another day to discuss with her the cereal flavor choices she’s making: surely she realizes that not EVERY flavor of cereal has the proper effect on the taste of the accompanying milk. But, yaawwwnnnn …. we’ll save that for another day….

Know What This is?

2007-01-29T22:47:00.000-06:00

MeeeI'mLosingMyPatienceoowww! This is yours truly, waiting for my turn to use the PC. There are times that I've acually fallen asleep waiting my turn. It's absurd, I tell you!

You see, my ladyperson has taken it upon herself to begin some sort of schooling and she is forever occupying the home office. You should see her sitting at the PC muttering, "If 9-4x=8x, then what the heck does x mean??" And it takes everything I have not to just jump in and give her the answers just so she'll be done with it and I can reclaim my space at the keyboard (Algebra always was one of my stronger subjects.)

Sure, if I see her struggling too hard I'll offer to tutor her but I suspect she'll eventually catch on. I just hope it's sooner than later: I am behind not only on my blogging, but also on my internet shopping. Yes, things are going to have to change around here very soon, I tell you....

They've Already Made Me Break My First New Year's Resolution

2007-01-07T19:41:00.000-06:00

Meee-thatdidn'ttakelong-oowww! I should have known. You see, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to TRY to be more tolerant of my manperson and ladyperson this year. But thanks to them, that one is down the tubes already. And it wasn't even technically 2007 yet when they messed it all up! You see, it started with Christmas day when they invited all of these other people over to my house for celebration. They even welcomed those tiny people referred to as the "grandkids". (By the way: I've come to learn that tiny people are as annoying as regular-sized people ... perhaps even more so because they sit lower to the ground and do not think twice before grabbing at my ear or such as I dodge past them.)

Anyhow, there was food and drink galore for the big people and little people alike but not once, not ONCE I tell you, was I invited to the dinner table. Then, for New Year's Eve I specifically requested my own bottle of fine champagne but did they purchase it for me? Well of course not! Fortunately I had a back-up plan and some of my kitty-friends (of the female persuasion, thank you very much) showed up with champagne and party favors. So fun was had by all, but with no thanks to my manperson and ladyperson.

I knew this would be a tough Resolution to keep but I thought maybe, just maybe, they'd have finally learned proper Catiquette. Of course I should have known better.

How Was I to Know the Chicken was for THEM??

2006-12-17T23:18:00.000-06:00

MeeeeOooopsooowww!! I was alone in the house, minding my own business when I noticed that my ladyperson had set a nice array of chicken breasts on the kitchen counter to thaw. There was absolutely no reason for me to question whether the tasty tidbits were for me or not. And as any red-blooded male cat would do I pounced on them, carried them to the master bedroom and had them for lunch.

Fast forward 4 hours: my manperson discovers the empty package and the remnants of a few pieces that simply were not to my liking and, instead of being decent about the whole thing, he left the evidence in plain view so he could gloat to my ladyperson over my alleged wrong-doing. She was a bit upset and I think she whipped me, but I'm not sure because I never really had a whipping before. Anyhow, she picked me up and carried me to where the evidence lay and she scolded me. She shook her finger at me and as she held me close, she said ridiculous things like, "Bad Poppy!" Then she strutted back to my manperson and announced proudly that she'd whipped me. I thought whippings were a bad thing but all she did was hold me close and giggle at the chicken scraps on the carpet.

Just when I think I understand these people they pull something like this. One thing's for sure: I can't wait till seafood night!

My Backyard is Really Empty These Days....

2006-12-03T20:17:00.000-06:00

Meeesighhhhoowww. I truly can not believe it. In fact, I'm having difficulty even writing this. Miss Pearl, whom I previously only referred to as the "SBD (Stupid Brown Dog)" is no longer with us. She's gone ... Just like that. I think she knew she was leaving but she never really made a big deal about it. And now that I think about it, she had taken an especially strong interest in me of late and it's likely she was trying to teach me all about how she manages the backyard and other issues that were traditionally her responsibility so I could take over in her absence. I know she went painlessly and that she had made her peace with me and with this earth but I must say: I'm still going to miss her. Maybe not as much as my manperson will because I can tell they were special buddies. But as Miss Pearl hinted, it'll be my job now to step up to the plate and help my manperson and ladyperson through this. I am comforted by what I heard my manperson tell my ladyperson on the dreadful day that it happened. He said, "You know ... God takes care of drunks and old dogs." That makes me feel just a little bit better.

From now on, if you hear me refer to her as the "SBD", it's going to mean "Sweet Brown Dog". Peace, Miss Pearl ... Keep in touch.

Hey y'all:

2006-11-18T09:32:00.000-06:00

Wufff! It's me agin, miss pearl (poppy calls me stoopid brown dog but you no better). You probly been wonderin where i have been but dont worry, i still been keepin my eye on things and specially on that cat poppy and this wannabe blog.

But i havent really been feelin well too much lately. Its got nuthin to do with that bighead cat poppy. I think its what peoplefolk call 'gittin old'. I kinda been feelin like i might not be aroun here too much longer so i been busy takin care of persnal matters so things kin go on properlike once im gone.

For ezample, i hafta make sure that my manperson remains well takin care of. I know he counts on me to keep the backyard safe and free of vermin so i been tryin to teach that imbussil cat how to do stuff like that. But you know its just like my manperson says, you cant teach a cat nuthin. Me and poppy can only have these trainin seshuns in the afternoons because poppy doesnt like mornin dew to git on his paws!

We been makin some progress but i know eventshully im gonna hafta keep an eye on things from above. And i will say this: with all the diffrences between me and that silly cat poppy, i think he might be able to take care of things for me. And we agreed to keep in touch but never mind how we do that. Its a animal thing that peoplefolk dont really get.

Anyhow, in case i dont make it back to this here blog to keep tellin my side of the story i will still be keepin an eye on things. Poppy and me have made all our amends and he akshully told me he would miss me if i go away. He might git embarrased to know i told that part but its true.

Everbody take care of yourself and dont forget that dogs reelly are smarter than cats and the proof is that cats are to stoopid to know that.

TRICK OR TREAT, KIDS!! >^..^<

2006-10-22T21:31:00.000-05:00

MeeeeeBOOooww!! Look, kids ... I know there will be tons of you winding your way through the streets of my neighborhood on Halloween night and eventually each of you will end up at my house looking for goodies. Well I can tell you right now: my manperson and ladyperson will have eaten all of the good candies before you get here. Don't think you'll be getting Snickers or M&M's at my house. No Sir! I suspect the only thing left for them to pass out on Halloween night will be some sticky peanut butter kiss things (if you're lucky!) or some stale candy left over from LAST YEAR! So if I were you, I wouldn't bother stopping by. Besides, as soon as things quiet down at my house and my manperson & lady person retire for the evening, my pals are dropping by for a little Halloween party of our own. I've already conned the stupid brown dog into being the valet parking attendant ... what a dolt! Happy Halloween, all!!

Don't You Wish You Were Me?

2006-10-22T21:14:00.000-05:00

MeeeeeI'msobeautifullllooowww! Gosh. Just look at me! Even standing on top of a ladder in front of a window: I'm spectacular, I must say!

Who's the Wiseguy that put Peanut Butter in My ChowChow??

2006-10-08T19:36:00.000-05:00

Meeepffffoooww! I cannot believe that SOMEBODY had the nerve to put peanut butter in my chowchow bowl. There I was, enjoying a quick afternoon snack when suddenly my mouth stopped cooperating! My tongue behaved as though it were cemented to the roof of my mouth. I'd never experienced such a thing.

But you know who I think it was? My manperson. In fact, if I were a gambling cat I'd bet all of the stupid brown dog's food and her outside house that my manperson was behind this. Can't you just see that smelly dog spurning him on? "C'mon .... do it! Put big giant globs in there! Maybe this will keep his big ol' cat mouth shut!"

They are sooooo silly. For when a cat seeks revenge, all but the cat become losers. He He He ...

Don't You Just Love Autumn?

2006-09-25T20:44:00.000-05:00

Meeeemmmmmooww! Is it just me or is Autumn the very best time of year? The air is fresh and clean and there's that awesome 'crunch' when you walk on fallen leaves .... But perhaps the most special part of this time of year is that my ladyperson is now inclined to prop the backdoor open (just for me, thank you) and I am free to meander outside into our giant backyard and explore at my whim. Sometimes I climb the tree just to see what our neighbors are up to. There are 3 huge, despicable dogs of northern descent living on one side of the fence and I like to keep an eye on them because as you know, no dog can be trusted regardless of his ancestry.

Sometimes my kittenish nature gets the best of me and I'll bounce around to catch the falling leaves before they hit the ground. My ladyperson calls that "Poppy's Harvest Dance" {{whatever...}} and, as corny as that is, I humor her just so she'll keep propping that backdoor open for me.

But sometimes I just lie in the soft cool grass hiding amongst the long shadows. I do have to share my backyard with the stupid brown dog, but she knows better than to disturb me when I'm resting. I'd like to see HER try a Harvest Dance ... Well, maybe not!

Yes, It's a Real Cat!

2006-09-12T22:05:00.000-05:00

Meee-everybodyhasapurpose-ooww!! Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you my nephew: 'Royal'. I know he's an odd-looking creature but he is a cat, none-the-less. His ladyperson rescued him just in the nick of time after his mother (a feline of questionable character, I'm afraid) had decided to make a construction site 'home' for her new babies. So now he's got his own ladyperson and manperson to look after him and I know they'll nurture him into being everything a proper cat should be (and vice versa of course). However, I'll have to agree with you if you say he is one peculiar-looking critter. But, hey -- that's my boy Royal!!

S.B.D. (Stupid Brown Dog) & I Have a New Game

2006-09-11T20:43:00.000-05:00

Meeeyouaregettingverysleepyooww! I've invented a new game that I simply love to play with the stupid brown dog. The greatest part of this game is that she gets in trouble every time we play so that means I always win! It goes like this: when she's lying in her disgusting little dog bed on the floor, I perch myself on the arm of the sofa and I glare down at her. I give her my eeriest jungle cat stare. At first she tries to ignore me. She'll look away a few times, turning back only to be suckered in again by my hypnotic gaze. Sometimes she'll burrow her face in her smelly bedcovers trying to escape my powers, but from the corner of her eye she sees me still there. Finally, she'll get so antsy and out-of-sorts that she'll bare her crusty, orange teeth and growl at me. Of course, her grumbling prompts my ladyperson to wag her finger and call her a "mean doggie" and thus the stupid brown dog is reprimanded for being unsociable.

I've decided that if I am to be forced to share my abode with this canine being, I might as well get some entertainment out of it. I've said it before and I'll say it again: "Let the games begin!"

Cats Do Not Eat Pesto But a Stupid Brown Dog Will Eat Anything ...

2006-09-04T23:56:00.000-05:00

Meeeickoowwww! Ugh. I've just tried my first taste o' pesto ... Ick! Can you feel my misery?! I just can not believe my manperson had the audacity to lure me into a pesto-tasting. He was just beginning his dinner and he offered me (well, okay ... maybe I just TOOK) some of the pesto-tossed pasta from his plate. Of course, the pesto pasta was plated next to a sizzling, freshly grilled Porterhouse steak so I don't know why he'd think I would be interested in the pesto. Anyway, I tried the pesto and may I say here, right now: it's absolutely disgusting and no self-respecting cat would ever imbibe of something so ... green! But I did, however, guilt him into sharing his Porterhouse with me so after I recovered from the pesto-tasting incident, my tummy was alllll better. But get this: after I'd filled up on the delectable perfectly cooked steak (medium-rare, of course), he offered his plate up to the stupid brown dog and she was thrilled to slop up the remnants of his pesto! Ha! Dogs. Who needs them? And who needs pesto? Not I, that's for sure.

I Am The Champion!

2006-08-30T00:41:00.000-05:00

Meeeyeeehawooww!! Ladies and Gents: you are looking at the world's newest Bocci Ball Champion. I did it! And this is not an easy sport for someone who moves as close to the ground as I do. But, once again, my athletic prowess and my ability to outsmart ANY opponent has brought me success. All of my bro's were over for a party to celebrate the fact that football is FINALLY on TV again and we ended up in the backyard for some music, Bocci Ball and a wee bit o' the finest scotch I ever wet my whiskers with. I don't know if it was my elation about the start of football season, the richness of the scotch, or the relaxing sunshine but my Bocci Ball techniques were spot on. But then, I was greatly inspired by our audience. Have you ever seen a dainty silver Tabby in a cheerleader outfit? How about a frisky Siamese with pom poms? I rest my case.

Meet My Cousin: Potato Salad

2006-08-17T19:06:00.002-05:00

Meee-aloha-ooww! I’ve finally met my cousin, Potato Salad. Yes, that’s really his name. And as you can see, he even has his name monogrammed on his bed. (I’d like to know why my Manperson and Ladyperson haven’t done that for me but we’ll save that argument for another day.)

He resides on the exotic island of Oahu and while he has lived there his entire life, he actually considers himself a good ol’ Southern boy. Hence, he’s a firecracker rolled up into a wild-eyed, snaggle-toothed mass of black fur just itching to explode. Nobody really knows how old cousin 'Tater is, including him. Well, I'm sure he knew once but that was waaaay back before he took a liking to the Gin & Tonic with the twist o’ lime.

We are definitely having some grand times right now during his visit and he’s invited me to vacation with him on his island ('the Rock', as he calls it). I certainly do intend to visit him in his tropical paradise: I’ll be one of those cats you see in the travel brochures reclining on a chaise on the sunny sands of Waikiki with a sweet little kitty hula-ing her way toward me as she delivers my tasty beverage in a coconut shell….. Aaaahhhhh …. I can't wait!!

Does Anyone Have the Number for Catnipaholics Anonymous?

2006-08-08T00:18:00.000-05:00

Meeeohmyachingheadooww!! OK ... don't ask any questions. Just somebody give me the number to Catnipaholics Anonymous, please. I think I need help. And isn't that what they say is the first step: admitting there's a problem? Well, the problem is that my ladyperson keeps giving me this catnip stuff! She sprinkles it on my scratching pad ... she gives me a little pouch full of it ... she thinks it's funny. I NEED SOMEBODY TO STOP HER FROM FEEDING ME THIS STUFF!!! Perhaps I really need CatnipSuppliersaholics Anonymous. Yes, that's it. She definitely has a problem and must be stopped!

I'm on My Way to Vote ... How About You?

2006-08-02T21:58:00.000-05:00

Meeecountrytisoftheeoowww!! Elections are being held around the country this month and I certainly hope you are planning to cast your votes. I won’t tell you who I think you should vote for because that’s what makes our country so grand: you can vote for whomever you very well please. I will tell you, however, that I haven’t seen a single cat on any ballot but it's just a matter of time ... sigh. I do know which candidates are friends of cats so they certainly have my support. I’m afraid there are also a few dog friends on the ballots, as well, but because I am opposed to any sort of dirty politicking I’ll keep those names to myself.

Most importantly, we must each and every one of us make the effort to vote. Even if it means a tiresome wait in the hot sun remember that, by comparison, that is a tiny price to pay compared to the sacrifices of our soldiers throughout history who fought and died so that you & I could have this freedom. Voting is not really about the candidates at all: it’s about showing respect and gratitude to those who preserve this right for us by exercising your right to vote at every opportunity. Thank you.

Vacations Are Simply Exhausting!

2006-07-22T08:42:00.000-05:00

Meeeyaawnnooww ~~ I've just returned from my vacation on the coast. It was a reunion of sorts with my university Fraternity brothers and I am going to require daaaays to recuperate. It was a time full of frolicking in the sand and sun; dining upon delectable dishes served up by the finest of chefs (not to mention the continuous flow of wine!); shopping, shopping, and more shopping; and a non-stop supply of beautiful kitties on the beach who demanded my attention. I had a fabulous time but even my little pawpads are sore from the hot sand of the beach (next time I go, I'll have my driver pull the limo right up on the beach). And I learned something new about the girl kitties: they reeeeally like like it when you peep out over the top of your sunglasses to speak to them. They got all giggly everytime!!

Did I mention how exhausted I am?

Blah, Blah, Blah...

2006-07-08T15:38:00.000-05:00

Wufff! Its me agin, miss pearl the brown dog who lives with poppy. "Blah, blah, blah..." THATS what i think about mister fancypants poppy and his commints bout dog days of summer an all that. He just wishes he could be a dog: i see him lookin at me from inside the house when im ousside havin a good time rollin aroun in the grass. He jes dont get it. Hes the one whose missin out. If he wasnt so dumb hisself, i might offer to let him hang with me ousside in the backyard all day but no way now! You wanna here somethin funny? I was watchin him one time an he was inside on the windowsill takin a nap and then he stretched and then he fell smack off the windowsill onto the floor! Ha Ha Ha poppy! I saw it and I laffed and laffed. I laffed out loud too cause im not scared of him. Well ok maybe he didnt see me laffin at him but he hassta know he looked pretty dumb. Ok i hafta go before he wakes up an comes in here an sees me sittin at his desk usin his computer. Wuff!

Why Do They Call it the 'Dog Days of Summer'?

2006-06-29T13:13:00.000-05:00

Meeeyaawwnnooww! I've often wondered where the saying 'Dog Days of Summer' came from and what it means exactly. Speaking for myself (and surely 99.9% of the entire cat population), the last thing I'd choose to be on a sweltering summer day is a stupid, smelly, woolly dog. But then again, is there any season when it is acceptable to be a dog?

Regarding the prospect of being a dog in the summertime: aside from the matter of the shedding of fur that I hear dog owners fussing about, there is the issue of aroma. Every dog I've ever encountered travels about with an incredibly offensive odor that only gets stronger as the summer progresses. No self-respecting creature would choose to pant and drool and dig in their own fur for fleas. ((Ugh. I'm not sure I can continue to speak on this subject for fear my lunch will resurface...))

I am not making this stuff up about dogs: remember, I am forced to share my home, my manperson AND my ladyperson with a ... being ... that is the absolute definition of anything D-O-G. Throughout the day, I catch glimpses of her as I pass the window from my air-conditioned comfort and there she is in the backyard rolling in the hot grass or stretched out in her smelly little wannabe cabana (aka doghouse). I just don't get it. Dog Days of Summer? No thank you, I'll stick with being a cat everyday. That's a no-brainer. Kind of like that stupid brown dog in my backyard.

Oh the Humanity!!

2006-06-24T16:55:00.000-05:00

MeeeethisisSOwrongoooww! You will not, you absolutely will NOT, believe what my ladyperson has done. Do you see that hideous red THING around my neck?? She calls it a "necklace" and strapped it on me so quick I didn't even realize what was going on. Who is this being that has mysteriously replaced my otherwise (ok, occasionally) sensible ladyperson??

First of all, it's very difficult to remain in stealth mode if I JINGLE with every movement. Then there's the itch factor, which I have desperately exaggerated in her presence with hopes she'll take pity on me and remove this despicable piece of adornment. But perhaps the most humiliating issue of all is that I don't think these are real diamonds on this ghastly thing. Now, that is totally crossing the line.

Perhaps I'll bribe the stupid brown dog with it ... yeah! I bet she'd love this hunk o'junk! Although I doubt it would fit around her gargantuan neck. And I certainly don't see myself getting close enough to her to help her put it on. Not to worry, though: this absurd and totally unnecessary bit of embellishment WILL be gone the next time you see me. That's for sure!

Happy Father's Day (I Guess...) to All Manpersons

2006-06-18T19:55:00.000-05:00

Meee-ugh!-oowww. I know, I know ... my manperson DOES put up with alot from me. But c'mon, I put up with so much more from him than I should have to. For example:

--> He's the one that giggles as he splashes ice cold water in my face simply because I attempted to take a sip from his cup (a cup that's way too big for one person anyway)...

--> He's the one who whispers "Get that cat!!" to the stupid brown dog just so she'll lumber after me and bark as IF she could catch me and do some real harm...

--> He's the one who will 'pretend' to pet me but actually be petting pretty dang hard and grinning while the smelly brown dog eggs him on...

--> Never once has he even thought about replenishing my chow-chow bowl...

But I guess he's okay because sometimes (when my ladyperson isn't looking) he actually is really nice to me: petting me in just the right ways and making sure I know he kinda likes having me around and that he appreciates the way I take care of our ladyperson.

So, okay, I do hope he's having a good day. But, trust me, if he makes me mad I will get even. And I am so good at getting even ...

Pssssttt!!

2006-06-12T22:14:00.000-05:00

Wooof!! I gotta be qwik here..... my name is Miss Pearl but you only no me as "the stupid brown dog". Poppy is sleepin and our ladyperson an manperson are out for the evenin. I got to set y'all straight: that cat Poppy been tellin you folks all kinds of stuff bout me an I just dont think he's givin me or my fellow dogs a fair shake. He dont no that I kin read an he sure dont no that I been monitorin his blog. I jes wanted all of you to no that theres another side to things he says but I'll hafta fill you in later. For now, I better get away from this here computer or Poppy might wake up an catch me and I just dont wanna think bout what could happen then. For such a little guy, he kinda scares me.... I'll chekk back later!

I Lost a Buddy Today

2006-06-08T21:17:00.000-05:00

Mew. A really good guy had to leave us today. His name was Max and he was the best kind of buddy you could ever have. Max was the kind of cat that everybody always wanted at their party: he would make sure that everyone in the room was having a good time, even if it meant entertaining them himself. And nobody, I mean nobody, could get jiggy with the Catnip the way Max could. We're all going to miss him but I can assure you: he's up there right now in Heaven telling jokes and dancing a jig with a crowd of lovely, giggling kitty angels around him.

So long, Good Buddy ... save a spot for me on that cloud you're hanging out at now, and tell the pretty little kitty angels to save some sugar for me.

Till I see you again, Max: Peace, my brother.

I Finally Understand What It Means

2006-05-29T13:38:00.000-05:00

Meeeoooww to you. All of my life I have seen this red, white and blue striped thing billowing about outside my window and while I always found it pretty and nice to watch, I did not know until today just how important it truly is. You see, it is the American Flag and there are many, many people who have fought very hard to keep this graceful symbol flying. For over 200 years, American people have even gone so far as to sacrifice their own lives just so I and my ladyperson & manperson can live peaceful, contented lives. I know it's that same sacrifice by those very brave men and women that lets me leisurely stretch in a sun spot on my carpet and watch the lovely flag gently dance in the wind as it lulls me to sleep. Those people who fought so hard (and continue to fight today) are called "Soldiers" and my ladyperson and manperson have adult children who are Soldiers but, until now, I never really understood or appreciated what that meant. I've seen them in their sharp uniforms with stripes on their coats and I can tell by the way their chests stand out that they are very, very proud to bear that uniform: perhaps even as proud as I am to have this very important symbol of everything that is right posted prominently outside my window as confirmation of our appreciation and respect. So today my Love, my Respect, and my Gratitude are extended to all of those brave and giving Soldiers who keep my flag, my family and my country safe.

Cat On A Mission

2006-05-25T20:21:00.000-05:00

Morenipformeeeennooowww!!! Where's the 'Nip? Where IS the 'Nip??!! I am haunted by the memory of my last hit o' the 'Nip. It calls my name in the middle of my deepest slumber and I find myself wandering aimlessly searching for more. And I've got that creepy feeling that I'm always being watched. I can't sleep, I can't eat (well not as much anyway), and I haven't even noticed the stupid brown dog in days. The lure of the 'Nip has consumed every ounce of my persona. If only I could be an occasional nipper but I simply CAN'T! I want it all ... ALL the 'Nip for meeeee!!!! I've heard soooo many tragic tales of cats who've let the 'Nip get the best of them. They talk of a cat from Ohio who rode that "Nip-train" every night till dawn, stumbling home with twigs and such tangled in his fur. And the 'Nip has been known to turn some of my feline buds into (pardon my foul language): Gutter Cats!! Eeeeeewwwwww! I refuse to think that such could be my destiny. I am stronger than this Nip. I am, afterall, a CAT!! And Poppy D. Cat, at that!!!

I've Been Taken Hostage by the Lure of the 'Nip!

2006-05-18T21:20:00.000-05:00

Woe-is-Meeeeoooww! I can't believe this has happened to me. I found the Catnip stash (or should I say the stash found me) that my ladyperson had tucked away and I'm so ahamed ... I truly believed I was stronger than this. My keen feline senses got a whiff of it this evening and I could not let it go. I methodically searched the entire house, entranced by the magnetism of the 'Nip. I carefully roamed each bit o'square footage when I centered on the laundry room and Bingo!! there was my glorious bounty in a neat little fabric pouch hidden above the clothes dryer. I called out several mournful meows while my ladperson and manperson pretended not to notice. I then bounded to the top of the clothes dryer, snatched that 'Nip and ran to the cool tile of the kitchen floor where I embraced my new-found prize. I drooled uncontrollably while I nuzzled its intoxicating fragrance, all the whilst my fingers and toes were splayed out in a most embarassing manner. Could it be that my manperson and ladyperson are using the 'Nip in a lame attempt to weaken me? To turn me into a simple, blithering idiot in a desire to make themselves seem superior to me? Because, heaven knows they couldn't even begin to appear superior to me when I am at my normally robust feline capacity. But this 'Nip! It gets the best of me and I am at its mercy! I know I should Just Say No but I can't! I won't! In fact, I want more, I tell you!!

Happy Mother's Day to All Ladypersons

2006-05-12T13:50:00.000-05:00

Meeeyyooowww!! Perhaps there are times when I may appear to be a bit critical of my ladyperson, but I know deep down inside that she really, really loves me. Here's how I know:

* She always shares her bed pillow with me at night.

* If we are all sleeping and I have a bad dream, maybe about fleas jumping on me from the smelly brown dog or something like that, she always lets me snuggle up with her and she'll even hug me tight until I'm not scared anymore.

* Anytime I wanna play mousie (that's our little game where she throws my purple mouse toy and I fetch it and bring it back to her), she plays with me and she will continue to play as long as I want her to.

* If I determine that the water in my water bowl is not cold enough, I can tell her and she will very promptly swap it out for fresh, cool water.

* If the manperson starts taunting me, she gives him THE LOOK and he quickly backs down. That look even works on the stupid brown dog, too!

* She always buys me the name brand chowchow; no generic stuff for me, baby!

* If she's in the backyard playing with her flowers or in her vegetable garden, she lets me go outside with her so I can lay in the soft grass and enjoy the sunshine, too.

* And most of all: Every single evening after a hard day's work (I mean MY hard day's work, of course) she comes home and she scoops me up and she hugs me and hugs me, then hugs me some more. And nobody can scratch my chin and make me feel as yummy inside as she does.

She's very special indeed, but then, that's why I picked her!

Why Can't I Go Outside??!!

2006-05-09T21:07:00.000-05:00

Meeefreakinoowww!! My ladyperson will NOT let me go outside thru the front door and I have just about had enough of this! Everybody else gets to be outside in front of my house! Birds are always out there chirping away like they own the place. Noisy little children skip along my sidewalk. I've even seen the occasional lowly neighborhood dog out there sniffing on bushes. And sometimes at night? CATS!!

Sure, she lets me go outside in the backyard and I have a great time but, c'mon! There's a 6 foot wooden fence surrounding me back there! How can a worldly cat such as myself expand my horizons from behind a wooden fence?

Not to worry though. I will continue to perch myself at this front door and one day ... one glorious day ... I will escape to the oft-dreamed of FRONT YARD. My only consolation is that on the rare occasion that the stupid brown dog gets to go thru the front door, she's tied to the manperson's hand by a long rope of some sort! Ha! Never will you see me tied to a human's hand. NEVER!

It Ain't Easy Being Me

2006-05-07T18:02:00.000-05:00

Meeedoubleoowww! It seems that everywhere I go I have Poppyrazzi following me. I run from them. I hide amongst the monkey grass. I shield my face in an attempt to discourage them but still they attempt to follow my every step. Are these photos being sold to others without my knowledge? And, if so, WHERE IS MY CUT o' the ca$h??

My cattorney is looking into this and I assure all of you Poppyrazzi types: prepare to share the wealth because I can not (WILL not!) have snapshots of me dancing about cyberspace without my permission. It simply will not happen! I expect complete creative control of anything pertaining to myself.

But then again, perhaps the right agent could turn this into a positive situation for everyone concerned. Hmmm ... I've gotta go. I have some phone calls to make. Now what's that area code for Hollywood, California?

Where's the Tuna??!!

2006-04-27T22:04:00.000-05:00

Meeeewhatthe?ooww!! Could it be that I will never understand people? My ladyperson assumed she was doing me a favor and, as she prepared herself a tunafish salad sandwich, she drained the tuna juice from the can into a bowl and gave it to me. Yes, I said just the juice. What was she thinking? Do I look like I should be on a liquid diet?? Not to worry though. As soon as she turned her back, I slapped her tuna sandwich off its plate, the stupid brown dog jumped for it and, consequently, received a major scolding. I simply grinned and pretended not to notice. Well, until my ladyperson gave me the tuna sandwich as reward, that is. Maybe I have figured the people out....

That's It!! I Need My Own Computer!!!!

2006-04-27T21:28:00.000-05:00

Meeedangittooww!!! It should not be this difficult for me to find computer time but here's the problem: my manperson has a new, ridiculous video game and you know how those human types are: now I seem to NEVER have access to the PC! It is utterly absurd. If any of you are wondering why I don't take advantage whenever he's at his dreary place of employment earning $$$ to buy me chowchow, might I remind you that I stay quite busy during the day what with napping, bathing, lunching with friends and the like? And to think I was just about to hire a pretty little Personal Catsistant to do my typing for me. I think my manperson's little "game" is about to be over and, guess what?? He loses!!! I would suggest that the stupid brown dog is behind this but she can't even spell PC.

PS: I will continue to accept applications for the Personal Catsistant position. Minimum qualifications are: Silky fur ... Large green eyes ... Dainty purr. That's about it. Oh yeah, I guess some typing ability would be helpful. Any interested kitties out there??

Can Anybody Teach An Old Dog ANYTHING??

2006-04-18T21:32:00.000-05:00

Meeehhaaaacckkooww!!!! Here's a photo of me imitating the stupid brown dog who insists on sneaking into MY room and stealing my chowchow. Well, I finally showed her: I tucked a chicken bone in my bowl underneath the kibble. She musta gagged for 20 minutes!! Bet she'll think twice before she tries to steal my food again. No wait: she's yet to think the first time and she's nearly 12 years old. Maybe I'll use a fish hook next time. Here doggie, doggie...

I Take Back Anything Bad I Ever Said About My Ladyperson and Manperson!

2006-04-11T21:05:00.000-05:00

(Well, my ladyperson anyway.) Meeeeyowzawoooww! The people came home from the store with the typical, non-useful things they always shop for but this time they also bought something very special just for me. It's this fragrant, greenish-brown stuff and I believe the package said 'C-A-T-N-I-P' on it. wOw!!! This stuff is grrrreaaattt!! They put the package on the floor and I was drawn to it like nothing ever before. I sniffed the package, I nibbled on it, I even rolled my whole body all over it! I was totally oblivious to the stupid brown dog as she stared at me in disbelief. I have NEVER experienced such a treat! And no headache afterward! I'm telling you: if they want to keep me on their good side, they'd best keep the pantry chockfull of this stuff. I'm calling my broker immediately and we are loading up on stock in this stuff. wOw! <--- I said that already, didn't I? Could it be that I'm giddy?

If There are Olives in the Glass, It's Not Ice Water

2006-04-06T23:00:00.000-05:00

Meeeehiccuppoowww! I don't know if my manperson did this on purpose or what, but the 'ice water' I thought I was stealing from his glass turned out to be some vulgar-tasting beverage he calls vodka. Next time I'll check the glass for green olives before I indulge myself. Ooooohhh my aching head... intentional or not, he will certainly pay for this!

Diet Soda is Evil & The Dog is Gonna Pay

2006-04-03T01:06:00.002-05:00

Meeeeickooowww!!!! My manperson and I have this little game that I (er.... WE) like to play. He always has this gigantic cup of beverage at his side while watching television or engaging in some other typically non-productive human activity. So anyway, our game involves me stealing sips from his cup when he's not looking. And I'm very, very good at it. He can have the soda level down to less than 1/2 full and I can slip my head down in there and slurp up all the tasty beverage I desire without getting so much as a hint of moisture on my silky whiskers.

But now he's got this thing for diet soda and it absolutely must stop. Just because he thinks HE needs a diet beverage, MY already svelte physique does not need any tweaking at all, thank you very much. Plus sometimes when I'm playing the game, the stupid brown dog wakes up from her snoring slumber just long enough to nudge his arm and show him what I'm doing. Then my manperson will dip his fingers in the cup and try to spray my face with the soda! And diet soda at that! And the stupid brown dog justs sits there next to him with a disgusting, tartar-encrusted grin.

Not to worry, though: I have contacted my cattorney and let's just say the wheels are in motion. It's bad enough that I must be subjected to drinking the diet soda but for the stupid brown dog to encourage my manperson to spray the soda on my face? I think she is about to learn the hard way to stay out o' my business. GAME ON, DOGGIE.

T.G.I.F.!!!

2006-03-24T21:36:00.000-06:00

Meeeewhewooowww!! It is safe to say that nobody truly appreciates or even understands all of the work that goes into being a cat. My job is exhausting! Here's a quick run-down of just a FEW of my many workday duties:

* I must visit every pillow in the house at least twice to test the fluffiness.

* If there are dishes from the night before left in the kitchen sink, it's my duty to remove any tasty remnants.

* In the mornings, I am to perch on the sunniest windowsill to thwart off any potential break-ins from neighborhood birds.

* In the afternoons, I have to take a nap on the windowsill facing the backyard just to remind the stupid brown dog that she's outside and I'm inside.

* I meticulously bathe from ear to tailtip: I'll start on the people's bed, then I'll bathe several times on the sofa, and I ALWAYS bathe at least once in the manperson's Lazy-Boy recliner.

* I must empty my chowchow bowl and practice my weakest and most pitiful cry so I am ready to admonish my ladyperson the instant she walks in the door at 5:00.

Whew! You think you could do it? I think not!!

I Sure Do Miss Football

2006-02-26T21:07:00.000-06:00

Meeeeyawnoooowww. Sundays just aren't the same. Used to be when I stretched out on the sofa on a Sunday afternoon, I'd share it with my ladyperson while she screamed at the TV and hollered strange things like, "Run, Bus, run!!" and "C'mon, boyz ... sack Peyton!!". Even though I do have the whole sofa to myself, NOW I HAVE TO GET MY OWN BEERS!! Yep, I reeeeally miss Football....

Do these people know it's winter around here??

2006-02-19T21:52:00.000-06:00

Meeeefreakinowww!!! I don't know what the deal is, but my People are so ignorant to the fact that it is C-O-L-D this time of year and they refuse to turn up the heat in the house! Either they are too freakin cheap to pay a higher heating bill or they've got some Yankee blood in them but it is cold in this house! You'd think my ladyperson would catch on since she wakes up every morning to find me sleeping ON HER FACE. You could assume she'd be tired of finding cat hairs stuck in her eyes every morning but then, it is MY hairs we are talking about so ... never mind. She probably feels lucky!

Here Fishy, Fishy...

2006-02-19T17:53:00.000-06:00

Meeeyummoowwww! Calm down .... I'm just visiting with the fishy my ladyperson calls "Catfood". He got his name because every time I visit the fishtank (just to say 'Hey' of course), Catfood rushes up to say 'Hey' back at me. My ladyperson thinks I'm planning to eat that fish but has she not noticed how small and slimy he is? Does she really think I'd ever entertain the thought of eating this commoner of a fish? Even if he were prepared with a crabmeat stuffing and sauteed in a lemon & garlic butter sauce, I simply would not consider dining upon him. I'm sorry, but I don't do common household fish.... Eeeewww!!

I am soooooo da Cat.

2006-02-18T23:09:00.000-06:00

Meowwww. Yo, I rock. You don't. It's Nature.